


Him or Her

by ItalianDoll



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, who to choose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 07:09:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19204405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItalianDoll/pseuds/ItalianDoll
Summary: Barba is back after the episode that shall not be named and thinks about the SVU team, especially Benson and Carisi.





	Him or Her

Barba sips his coffee as he walks past the Court House. He feels an overwhelming sense of regret, a pulling in his chest he hasn't felt in quite some time. The feeling is not because of what he did, but because he let his moral compass go haywire. And, he left people he cared about abruptly.

He stops, turns and stares at the majestic building. He wonders what case they’re working on, what victim they are fighting for and if the victim knows how much the team cares. He’d heard bits and pieces through Rita, but now, once back in New York, he allows himself again to think of them – Fin, Rollins, Benson and Carisi. 

He knows that Rollins and Fin couldn’t care less about him. It’s not that they didn’t like him, or he them. It’s the fact that there wasn’t a true bond there. He was their ADA – that’s it. Nothing more or less.

He closed his eyes briefly and thought of Benson. Her advocacy for victims, always pushing and pushing. Her tenacity and yes, her caring and friendship. He missed that sense of comfort with someone. Sitting with her, discussing a case, arguing. She knew how to push his buttons. That’s for sure. While he was away he’d thought about his feelings for her and a possible future. He enjoyed spending time with her and Noah. The boy was clearly bright and inquisitive. He felt badly that he hadn’t spoken to him and hoped that Liv helped him read the letter he’d written explaining, in terms a child would understand, that he had to go away for a while. He knew he owned her a visit or at least a call, but he wasn’t sure he was ready. He needed to get to it.

He thought of Carisi. His passion about his work and his family. He definitely wore his heart on his sleeve. Barba had watched him develop into an outstanding detective, using his law degree to help with cases. He chuckled to himself thinking of all the times Carisi annoyed him with legal jargon and precedent. He had enjoyed their closeness, allowing it to grow gradually. There were times he wondered if they were truly flirting, if Carisi knew the depth of his attraction. He knew he needed to address it – unfinished business. 

He'd done a lot of thinking while away. He let his thoughts, feelings and desires surface and faced them head on. He knew what he needed to do.


End file.
